It's not ME, it's YOU! November 14, 2008 5:36 am | fifidelmar's Blog

Last week, my husband informs me that we are invited to go see cheech and chong plus dinner with one of his biggest clients.  This information was given to me at 4pm, dinner at 6:30.  I had a 2 day stomach virus, that was off the charts, so "no thanks".  I don't know these people, however, the guys some ex NFL player, living a larger than life existence.  I have never met them.  I'm green to the gills, in bed.  (I lost 14 pounds in a week)  I suggest he take his partner.

When hubs comes rushing home to change clothes for the evening, he informs me that his partner did not want to go.  I suggested that he wear the suit, already on, I love that suit.  Honestly, the energy was not good.  I cannot describe it past just a "feeling".  He rushes off to meet them for dinner.  I do not leave my bed, except for the bathroom.

10:00 local news, shows the cheech and chong show had just ended.  I'm weak and fall asleep.  OK... there is a history with my husband, and drinking.  I think he's allergic to alcohol.  He just gets sloppy, like no one, i've ever seen before.  He absolutely just loses his shitttt.  It's awful.  Thru the 17 years that we have been together, there have been a few instances,  where he was DRUNK and either openly told some girl "i'd like to fuk you but my wife's here" (cozumel 1992), or he just doesn't come home and i investigate his path to a local "massage parlor".  These were all in Houston, and one of the many reasons that i thought this move would be good for us.  He ended up in jail for "burglary of a habitation".   He's an attorney, was found half clothed, under a bed, in a house that had been broken in to.  He has no recollection.  It cost us $10,000 for legal defense and a year of hell.  Clearly, there was some sort of sex going on, but who the hell knows.  This is just one of about five stories.  Him drunk, sex involved, me forgiving him and helping him get out of whatever mess he's made.

Fast forward - last week:  So, at midnight I wake up, realizing that he's not home and I get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Last time he was with these clients, he came home shittt faced.  My mind goes to the darkest places until he stumbles, inchoherently in, at 5:36am.  Knocking pics off the wall, trying to take a sock off and falls down.  Cannot form sentences.  He's wasted out of his head AND he was driving.  Throughout the next 12 hours, I get 5 different stories from him about his night and whereabouts.  I follow each lead, to find that they are all lies.  Present him the facts, then he comes up with some new bullshittttt.  There are business cards in his pockets, from 2 women, with their cell phone numbers on the back.  I call one.  She calls me back, later, informing me that "I don't blame you for calling, he was a mess, drinking martinis.  I don't know what happened, I was at home, in my bed by midnight."   hmmm...

He had a 2 day hangover, throwing up, the whole shebang.  I told him that if he looked me in the eye, like a man, and told me the truth, that i would forgive him and put this behind us.  Also, that if he chose not to do that, then he was moving out..."I have self respect and you have crossed the line, one too many times".   He chose to take the I don't remember, I blacked out story and stick to it.  (after i had brought down the first 5 alibis)  He's not budging.  I told him last night, to come help me go thru his closet - because I was packing his clothes. 

He became indignant, and returned fire with "i'm not going anywhere, my parents own this house".  That is another story, when we bought this house, he was being sued and we couldn't get a mortgage with the lawsuit pending, so his parents, bought the house and we just pay them.  They are loaded, so this is not a big deal, UNTIL NOW. 

He brought up everything bad that i've ever done, refused to leave, said that he should not be drinking and that i should not be drinking, either.  He was on the offensive.  There was never an i love you, i want to work this out, i love our family, etc.  I had to bring to his attention the fact that he had never, even said "i'm sorry".  So, he gave me a couple of "i'm sorries".  His true colors showed thru.  No love, No honesty, No remorse.

Isn't it interesting how the things that are NOT SAID, speak the LOUDEST??!

I've been beside myself, but ya know... I have finally come to terms with the situation.  I have some very specific goals for one of my children this year.  Once they are acheived, I will be set free.  ps - I'm fabulous and refuse to take on any sort of personal hit.  He's an idiot.  We do have great children and very fond memories, so I will forge ahead.  Bringing the good with me and leavig the bad, behind.